Switching Bodies
by Meow-za
Summary: When Sakura unexpectedly breaks through Itachi's most powerful Genjutsu, they both end up needing to learn what a sociopath and village sweetheart do to get by. Rated for Kisame's potty mouth.
1. Itachi 'n Sakura: Imploding worlds

_AN: Woooooo, back in the game… kind of, if you know you count the poor grammar and lack of plot line in my last pile of crap work, that's discontinued by the way. Anyways This is also going to be a borderline crack fic with little to no plot. I'm writing this out of boredom and for the sake of laughing at my own bad jokes. So no actual pairing in this story, and please don't expect me to update regularly or at all. This is done at my leisure… and all that… yeah, so read on!_

_Meow-za_

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"Girl, leave. We have no reason to end your life now." Blood red eyes carryingthe Sharingan stared out at the two figures not ten meters in front of them. Itachi kept his eyes trained on the pair in front of him, one struggling to get back to his feet, the other standing protectively in front of him.

Sakura narrowed her eyes at those words. Clenching her jaw and setting her shoulders she slid into a defensive crouch, one arm raised holding a parrying kunai. Naruto squawked behind her.

"Sakura, I'll be fine, just go!" Naruto was now beside her gripping her arm and trying to tug her back behind him to safety. Of course that feat would be near impossible since Sakura was as strong as a herd of elephants on steroids, when she moved it was normally of her own volition. Naruto cast a worried look at her, which she ignored. "Sakura, I'll never be able to live with myself if you get hurt." He was pleading now.

The pink haired girl sighed annoyed not taking her eyes off the insanely strongrogue ninja in front of her. "Naruto, you idiot. Didn't I tell you before; you don't have to protect me anymore." Sakura titled her head to glance at him "Also, its my turn for you to look at my back." She grinned then; Naruto returned a reluctant smile, not exactly okay with the whole situation.

"So be it, Kisame do not kill the Kyuubi, I shall deal with the girl quickly." The shark man, who had been ignored for the past exchange, gleefully charged at the pair before fazing out and nearly crushing the pairs skulls from behind with his sword. Rolling away, Naruto gave Sakura a worried look beforeleaping at Kisame, Rasengan forming.

Peeling her eyes off her friend's battle she turned to face her opponent. He had not moved a muscle and was just staring at her. _Okay…a tiny bit creepy but alright, at least he hasn't come over here to slit my throat yet…Stay positive Sakura, you have to at least stall him for Naruto's sake. _Just like that her resolve hardened, she tensed her muscles getting ready to unleash an explosion of chakra strength, when she looked directly into his eyes, that happened to have pretty spinning little wheels dancing in them._ Oh shit...You know…he is alotprettier then Sasuke inthat older guy kind of way…_ Her last free thought before she was sucked into the world of the Mangekyou Sharingan.

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Sakura sat up from the squishy forest floor to look around shocked. _Okay, this is either the weirdest dream I have EVER had or…no red sky and red moon is kind of naturally impossible. So where the heck am I?_ To answer her question, there was a shift of clothing above her in the trees and when she looked up she found Itachi sitting with an air of calmness in a tree branch a few meters off the ground, not that he was ever not calm, actually he was kind of freakishly calm all the time. Before Sakura could come up with a witty comment Itachi jumped down and made his way towards her.

"I told you girl, you should have left when you had the chance" Itachi suddenly multiplied a few hundred times and now surrounded her from all sides, a gleaming sword in each Itachi clones hand. "Now you will know the torture of 1000 deaths within your own mind. Useless girl, all you're doing is biding the Kyuubi mere seconds." Just like that Itachi brought his sword back, as if to stab her.

_1000 deaths! Oh crap, Oh crap...wait Useless, bastard!…wait, my own mind?…as in we're in my mind… Then that means it's mine, I bet I could control this place like I can control my dreams_. Sakura grinned as the first sword stabbed her trough her right lung. It looked strange but damn if it hurt at all. Before the next sword came, she imagined herself as a stone statue, impenetrable and solid. The sword glanced off of her as if she were made of some sort metal, making Itachi's eyes widen frationally.

Sakura stood removing the first blade from her chest and grinned maniacally at Itachi, who didn't change expression other than a small quick blink, which was monumental coming from a genjutsu user. Suddenly the 1000 Itachi's turned into 1000 Sakura's all grinning and all holding a sword.

Before Itachi could move, the horde of pink hired medic-nin's howled "SHANNARO!" and charged him. When the first sword pierced through Itachi's abdomen, the world of the red moon's sky seemed to crack and it did so continuously every time Sakura stabbed or sliced the Uchiha. Finally the moon itself seemed to crack and an intense light was emitted from the fissure that continued to grow.

It was after both parties noticed the change in the sky that there was again only one Sakura and she threw Itachi a panicked look, who despite being cover is blood and holes, was now staring at the moon in what Itachi would call wonderment and everyone around him would call indifference. There was suddenly a flash of red light and both Itachi and Sakura knew no more.

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Both Kisame and Naruto looked up from where they were beating each other bloody at the sound of an explosion and watching their partners be thrown and hit trees on opposite sides of the clearing. Both sat stunned for a moment before Naruto regained his senses and was made his way to the fallen girl at a dead sprint. Kisame fazed himself over to stand next to his fallen partner, looking down at him in shock.

Naruto didn't even think before he slung a knocked out Sakura over his shoulder and ran full force towards the Fire country border in search of medical attention, leaving a bewildered Kisame in his wake.

Kisame continued to stare at his comatose comrade even half an hour after the Kyuubi had left. Finally the shark man pinched his nose and made a rather disgusted sound in the back of his throat. "Great I'm gonna have to fucking carry you, aren't I?" and with that the disgruntled former mist-nin, hefted Itachi over his shoulder and made his way back towards their home base miles away, muttering angrily under his breath about a failed mission. Had Kisame paid attention though, he would have noticed Itachi's soft murmur of "Naruto…" but of course the shark man was too aggravated to pay attention.

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_AN: So my fight scene anything is complete poop, but you already know that. This fic is supposed to be funny, so I'll be picking up the cheesy jokes in future chapters… maybe… if you review XD. Lots of luff for oooou! _

_To be continued_


	2. Sakura, Can it get worse?

_AN: Oh yeah, quick update, I'm writing this so freaking late at night but I'm kind of wired off of coke zero. So I decided to start with Sakura's side, just 'cause I think writing Itachi is going to be a major bitch, albeit more humorous (If I don't butcher it) still horribly HARD. Enjoy: D_

_Warnings: Language, Original character and possibly OOC-ness, depending how anal you are about Sakura… Or the little known characteristics of Kisame.

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_Somewhere north of the wind country…_

Sakura groaned as light shone through the slightly ajar shoji screen. _Naruto must have brought me here after the fight._ Squinting, she reached a hand up to wipe her face. _Ugh… this headache is worse than that time Tsunade convinced me to go on that sake bender with her. _She reached up her left hand to pour some soothing chakra into her temples, too bad she didn't notice the odd flow and configuration of the chakra compared to her own more normal one. Instead it was then that she noticed the black nail polish adorning well looked after fingernails and soft un-calloused hands.

Blinking, the med-nin sat up yawning so wide that she cracked her jaw. Stretching and cracking her shoulders Sakura noticed her rather poor eyesight as she looked around the sparsely decorated room. _Huh, that's strange._ Sakura brought chakra laden fingers to right underneath her eyes, to assess what exactly was wrong with her. Sucking in a sharp breath, Sakura was startled to see how much scar tissue there was surrounding her lens and covering the retina.

As there was no way a blow to her head could have caused this type of excessive damage she had to wonder. _Just how long was I out for? And for that matter, where's Naruto? I'm obviously not in Konoha or I'd be at the hospital… but if I'm not at the hospital, Naruto probably wouldn't leave my side… unless… Oh please no._ Suddenly Sakura's eyes filled with tears as an image of Naruto in the clutches of Akatsuki, with who knows what kind of tortures he was being put through. Oh, this was terrible, she failed; she wasn't able to protect Naruto let alone help him. That bastard was right, she was useless…

No… she had to think positive. _Naruto wouldn't give up, I won't either. I have to get off my ass, contact Tsunade or sensei and make a plan. And maybe find out where I am and maybe what that weird red explodey light was… The explosion! _Sakura stood up quickly, which turned out to be a mistake, seeing as how she was still feeling dizzy and incredibly off balanced for some odd reason.

It was then that she noticed the full length mirror across the room. _Wow, there must really be something wrong with my eyes because I don't remember my hair being black… Then again, have I always been this far away from the ground? _She tottered her way over to the mirror to take a closer look.

What looked back at her in an odd blur was a half naked Itachi with his mouth hanging open obviously stupefied. Sakura experimentally raised her right arm and gave a girlish wave. So did Itachi. Sakura tilted her head left and right then shook her now longer and A LOT blacker hair out. So did Itachi. In an attempt to prove herself wrong, Sakura gnashed her teeth at the reflection, and then began swaying her hips in that "seductive" way Ino had shown her months ago for her sixteenth birthday. Itachi, in nothing but long black sweatpants and his well muscled torso naked, did too.

Sakura now breathing in quickly, practically panicking, looked down at what wasn't her body._ Great, it's not like I was particularly well stacked before but now… Why am I taking this so calmly? Oh I know, because there is no possible way this is happening. Or that I'm totally nuts. Okay pinch myself, that works in the movies right? Ow! Okay, no maybe not but… maybe this is just a really good genjutsu. Okay, okay, release! No, not that either… But maybe I should just check down there…? _She brushed her hand had down her now hard pectorals and down her abs of steel to the waist band on her pants. Sucking in a breath, Sakura pulled the band away from his waist and let a surprised squeak and blushed at what she saw through unfocused eyes.

_Oh my…_ Sakura suddenly was hyperventilating, her hands still griping the front of her pants. _Oh no, this isn't happening, no way, no way, no way. How can I… I'm dreaming, yeah, that's it. I'm only a bit messed up because of that genjutsu he pulled, that's it. Please say I'm hallucinating and that I'm just insane, that'd be a heck of a lot better then what I think is happening. Oh no, what do I do-_

Sakura never finished her thought because the shoji screen banged open to her left. A blond woman, with a ponytail bobbing behind her head as she scuffled in barefoot looking to be almost a head taller then Sakura's current height. She wasn't looking, carrying items in her arm used for treating injuries and a plate of dango. She was humming a pleasant tune and set the items on the small table in the corner. _Holy crap she is really tall… even compared to Itachi…_Sakura let out a small breath at that. This happened to alert the blond who swung around with a gasp and instantly bowed.

"Itachi-sama, my apologies, I never meant to intrude, I was being in-attentive again, please forgive me…" She trailed off as she looked up to her superior, shock clearly showing on her face. For one thing Itachi had an equally shocked if not bewildered look on his face and was currently gripping his pants away from him. She suddenly frowned then growled gnashing her teeth and showing pointy incisors. Standing up straight, she howled at the top of her lungs "Kisame! Did you fucking feed Itachi-sama those hallucinogenic mushrooms again?" She really seemed quite angry, her hazel green eyes flashing.

_God I hope so…_Sakura thought silently as she stared at the blond her jaw slackened, her eyes wide and her eyebrows disappearing into Itachi's dark loosened hair. At least she was until Hoshigaki Kisame stomped into the room in nothing but a towel around his waist, coarse hair dripping and a sake bottle in his hand. "'The fuck are you accusing me of now, you stupid fat bitch? I was just in the bath, what the fuck is your problem now?" Kisame's brows were drawn together in annoyance as he glared at the blond, who glared back equally annoyed. Then he noticed Sakura-in-Itachi's-body standing there mouth agape, having a borderline panic attack.

Confused, Kisame inquired a bit tentative, or as tentative as an abrasive foul mouthed shark man could get, "Uh… Itachi are you feeling alright? You're looking a bit…paler… then usual. You hit that tree pretty hard a few hours ago; I thought you'd be over it but…" Sakura's mind was reeling, she was feeling woozy and her stomach was in knots. She stopped listening to him ramble nervously and began thinking. _If I'm here in Itachi's body… does that mean Itachi is in my body… In Konoha? Oh please no…_

Just like that Sakura promptly fainted, her overloaded brain finally just shutting itself off and she fell backwards her head hitting the ground **hard**. Perhaps if she woke up again in a few hours she would be in her bed, Naruto coming to obnoxiously wake her up bringing half Konoha to visit her, with her headache and all. Yes, oblivion sounded inviting.

Both blond and shark man paused, before the blond glowered at Kisame. "Way to go dumbass! Ugh! Now I have to go get the stupid smelling salts." She stomped out of the room and down the hall muttering about over zealous psychopaths.

Kisame turned to his again comatose comrade and pinched his nose blowing a sigh out of his nostrils. He just hoped that when Itachi came to he wouldn't be so twitchy. That would make his already trying life more difficult if he was. He growled as he squatted down onto the floor to wait for Itachi to wake again. Maybe then he could finally ask what was with that weird explosion with that girl who had the nice ass from Konoha. Because that was a tad bit disturbing, Itachi never got caught in blasts, he never got hurt for that matter. So much for the invincible Uchiha. For now he would sit and wait while drinking his still warm sake. "Ah fuck me…"

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_AN: Yeah, that coke is finally wearing off… How fun…: P so within the next week I should probably spit out my Itachi chapter… Gawd that is gunna be bad. Just remember before you flame me, I'm not doing this for quality I'm doing this for Woooo writing bender! And other thingies… So Review, It'd be nice, to you know light that fire under my ass to make me write. Till next time,_

_Meow-za_


	3. Itachi and his Froggy panties

_AN: Hurrah, another chapter, you're not so long awaited Itachi chapter, Yay! So thanks for the reviews everyone :D they ALL make me smile… but umm, can I just say one tiny, itty-bitty thing? _

_**THIS IS NOT AN ITACHI**X**SAKURA PAIRING**_

_Sorry guys but I'm not even going to try the couple thing with these two. I'm not a very good writer to begin with, and writing a relationship between a socipathic killer and a girl with more emotional baggage then Fred Durst and a split personality to boot… yeah not fun. So Enjoy… then end kind of sucked in this chapter to warn you…_

_Konoha hospital, North Wing- Two days after the incident…_

The first thing Itachi noticed when he came too without opening his eyes was that he was in a hospital, at least that's what he gathered from the disinfected smell of the room and the feel of rubber sheets beneath him. Oh, and the fact that he wasn't alone in the room. There was an unmoving body laying to his left breathing heavily and an incredibly close warm body laying its head on his bed, clasping his hand. _Disturbing…_ This meant that Itachi was definitely not under the care of Kisame, who would never be so foolish to admit him to a hospital, let alone have the audacity to touch him.

The second thing Itachi noticed was that his chakra signature was incredibly different then his normal docile black aura. This chakra that danced inside his body was noticeably pink and… impatient? Yes, that would be the word to describe it. Itachi decided at this point that something may be wrong with this picture.

The third thing that Itachi noticed after he woke up was when he opened his eyes and looked to his right was that his vision was a perfect 20/20. Also the person currently clasping his hand was none other then the single nine-tailed fox demon container he had been hunting and planning to capture for the past four years of his life. _Yes, something is definitely wrong…_

The fourth and final thing that Itachi noticed was when he gently and quietly slipped out the bed, as not to wake the Kyuubi vessel, and fell to the ground incredibly unbalanced, face planting and for whatever reason his chest felt cushioned and his (now perfect 20/20) vision was obscured by petal pink hair.

Now normally at this point a person would be shocked into silence or have a hysterical meltdown. But Itachi was not your average person; no he was a renowned sociopath, whose biggest shock in the last 21 years of his life was that his younger brother, who he had meticulously thrown into the path of hate and vengeance with some big security and trust issues, may be gay for an incredibly creepy and way older man. That, Itachi labeled as the single worst day of his life, when one of his lackeys told him the horrible news. But that's another story altogether.

No, Itachi was by no means normal, so when he hit the ground face first in the body of what he believed to be the pink haired nuisance from earlier, all that came out of his mouth was a slightly bewildered "What?...". Of course the noise of a female body hitting the ground, getting winded and uttering a soft confused question alerted the blond Kyuubi vessel in the room to Itachi's awakening.

Uttering a soft "Huh?" Naruto looked up and over the side of the bed to see his best friend and love of his life sprawled on the hard tile floor, with the hospital gown bunched up around her hips and her green froggy underwear bear to the world. Grinning wide and lecherously, Naruto called over his shoulder loudly to the door "She's awake!" and made his way around the bed to stand over his friend.

Itachi looked up to see the semi-demon boy grinning at him as if he were ready to eat him. _Why is he looking at me like that-_? Itachi was suddenly hefted up and was standing, facing the Kyuubi, who then proceeded to wrap his arms around his torso tightly and then breathed in deeply. _Why is he touching me? I really don't enjoy close contact… My arms are pinned, no chance of using an effective jutsu. And…is he smelling me?_ Naruto then lifted him up and was swinging him around the room grinning like an idiot and laughing, never loosening his bear hug.

"Ha, ha! Sakura, I was so worried about you. You were out for so long, it's been 3 days! We were all so worried. Ino came by, and Lee, and Kakashi and obaa-chan, she said you might be in a coma! And Shizune came by, and Shikamaru," Naruto paused and set him down and then began counting on his fingers the names that came to visit this Sakura girl. "And Kiba, and Chouji and your Mom, and TenTen and Iruka-sensei, and Asuma and Kurenai and even Hinata and Neji showed up and some of your co-workers. Sakura you're so popular." Naruto grinned again really big and continued to rattle off names and gossip.

Itachi in the mean time, ignoring the imperceptive moron, began to mentally recite what exactly had been included in the demon containers file about the girl's body he was currently stuck in. _Haruno Sakura, age 16, third member of team 7 under tutelage of Hatake Kakashi. One of two students ever to be taken under the fifth Hokage, Tsunade, as an apprentice. Advanced medical skills. Prior to age of 13, she had basic ninja skills with some of the closest standard to perfection in chakra control ever seen in the fire country. Incredibly intelligent, super strength and a small obsession with Uchiha Sasuke, being one of the last people to see him prior to his departure to the Sound. Temperamental and prone to aggressive fits of anger, normally exerting physical force. It is believed that Uzumaki Naruto holds a very deep affection for her. _Naruto had finally finished talking when a woman with over sized breasts, a shrieking blond and Hatake Kakashi walked in.

The big breasted woman, whom Itachi identified as Tsunade, smiled softly and walked over to him and placed a hand to his forehead. "Sakura, how are you feeling? We were worried about you, after what Naruto said about you getting into a fight with Uchiha Itachi, I feared the worst. You'll have to tell me everything you remember from before that explosion."

Itachi blinked. _Explosion? Oh yes, that I'll have to investigate further into that. Hmm it would seem I am still greatly feared by these people… As of right now, I believe it may be best if I play along with these people until I can contact Kisame… not the others though, they can not be trusted. Hmm, How to go about this? The girl seemed to like using an over abundance of expression, not that it matters, I shall only be here for perhaps another day or so._ Putting on what he thought was a warm smile Itachi answered "I'm fine, it would just seem I'm a bit weaker then normal. Although I do not believe it is anything a walk around outside cannot fix. If it is not too much trouble, would I be able to get a change of clothes?" Itachi bowed in a way he had seen young girls taught back when the Uchiha clan was still flourishing.

The room around him was quiet. Everyone around him stared at him as if stupefied. Sakura only wore those tight smiles making it look like she were about to snap when she was really pissed, heck even Naruto had stepped away from him in fear of getting smacked. And when did Sakura start talking so formally? Ino stepped forward and patted her head.

"Don't worry forehead-girl, I brought you some spare clothes if you want to shower and get out of here, I bet you're probably hungry, you haven't eaten anything and your bodies beginning to eat what little feminine body fat you have." She gave Itachi's…breasts a pointed poke and then giggled. "Come on forehead, you, me and the idiot will get you a bowl of ramen, you know maybe get you some curves." Naruto bristled and rose to Sakura's defense, commenting on how he liked his girls with more muscle then fat and how Sakura's boobs were perfect as they are.

Itachi was getting annoyed. He was feeling a bit hungry, and he didn't feel like waiting. The loud blond girl who had insulted him was kind of looking at him expectantly, the Kyuubi cast a fearful look, Tsunade looked at him worried and Kakashi glanced over his dirty novel at him. Itachi sighed and looked at the Hokage. "Where is the shower, I seem to feel a bit disoriented, but not to worry I think I'll be fine." He gave another smile, this time tilting his head.

Tsunade handed him the bag of his clothes and pointed down the hallway. Itachi nodded and bowed. Before exiting the room, he turned and bowed again "Thank you all, for being so worried about me." With that he made his way down the hall to the door labeled staff showers, barely hearing the people back in the room talking amongst themselves about his strange behavior. Making sure no one was in there he walked in when he concluded the coast was clear.

Stepping in front of a mirror, he deposited the bag of items on the counter and looked at himself in the mirror. He truly wasn't in his body but the body of Haruno Sakura. _Intriguing…_ He tilted his head this way and that. _Hnn, it could be worse, he could be ugly… or fat._ Shuddering (on the inside) at the idea of excess weight, Itachi looked down at the bag he was given. _Red…and pink and black?_ Lifting fruity smelling shampoo and conditioner and a flowery soap from the bag, along with a towel, he sighed and began stripping without looking at his reflection. _To think, I'm back in Konoha, after being labeled as one of the worst criminals to come from the fire country. And to be killed on sight, maybe this situation is more convenient then I first believed for studying the Kyuubi. _

He let out a dry chuckle and glanced at the mirror to see not-his-body fully naked. _This could be amusing-. _Itachi was stunned to see two tattoos on the upper part of Sakura's crotch region. Two tattoos, both small, one in the form of the Uzumaki swirl in orange and black on the left, the other the Uchiha fan in traditional red and white on the right. Both would normally be covered by whatever underwear she would be wearing at the time. But still… _What the? What is with this girl? …_

The door suddenly banged open, and Itachi quickly hid in a shower stall. Peering over the top, he looked to see the annoying blond girl's head poke in. Ino's voice rang out. "Hey Forehead, hurry up, Lee and Shikamaru say they'll meet up with us." With that Ino skipped out the door, leaving Itachi to his thoughts. _It may take all my will power not to murder that girl… I just have to make sure I don't end the Kyuubi's life, he is still important. Maybe I'll have to test out this body's capabilities._ His stomach gave a growl. _...After I eat…_ He turned on the shower and let the cold water wake him up. Looking down at his hand he tsked, disgusted at the condition of the girls hand and her calluses. Smirking he shook his head applying shampoo. _Truly intriguing… _

_AN: There you go, Itachi: hard to write, but when it works, gives you a bit of a chuckle :D Just as a warning, I may not come out with the next chapter for awhile, I'm going to be busy till Friday, then Insanely busy over the weekend and then finally, I start work next Tuesday… :P Gawd I really don't think my summer is gonna be fun, but enough about me, review and I'll try to spit out more._


	4. Sakura says Ow?

AN: Its been awhile and I 've just been pretty much lazy. Anyways, I decided like any good author to go do some research (on wikipedia) about the Kirigakure (Village hidden in the mist) and its people. And I discovered something about Kisame. Apparently he's not only a megaton Juggernaut that can destroy all but he's actually a formal, respectful poofter in the way he talks as well. In other words no swearing and cussing and all that. Sooooo you can either consider him incredibly OOC or that he only acts respectful to those he views as more powerful to him. Sorry for the mix up but I kind of always imagined Mist-nin's to be alot more abrasive and violent then other cultures. I mean come on, to become a Genin you have to kill you'e fellow classmates there. BAH, I blame fandom for making him a bumbling Itachi bitch all the time. Read on, hope ya like, I have kinda been outta the game for awhile.

Disclaimer: I wish I did, but I do not own Naruto.

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'_This is by far the most awkward situation I have ever come up against. Even compared to that time when Kakashi and Raidou walked in on me and Ino in that porn shop…'_ Sakura sat (with proper clothes on finally), with only a table between them, not five feet away from the Village Hidden in the Mist's most mysterious hunter-nin, Hoshigaki Kisame. Complete and total silence reigned in the small room.

Kisame also felt the tension rising in between his partner and himself. After waking Itachi up with pungent smelling salts, he did exactly what Kisame was hoping he wouldn't do, act twitchy and wide eyed. It was fucking freaky is what it was. It was like the man had gotten up today with a new psychological torture for him. Better than the Tsukiyomi could ever be, in the shark mans opinion.

He was used to walking on egg shells around the quiet killer, getting beaten to within an inch of his life for sneezing on one of the Uchiha's old kunai then handing it to him for target practice. Kisame was hesitant to recall that he accidentally mistook Itachi's hitai-ate for a washcloth when the poor ex Mist-nin needed to wash his hands after gutting fish. That was the last time he had looked Itachi in the eyes, over two years ago. So Kisame was pondering whether or not this was some sort of game for his partner. Was he supposed look into Itachi's Sharingan for 72 hours of pain, or was his "comrade" actually messed up? Kisame kept glancing at Itachi then quickly averting his gaze back to his now cold cup of sake.

Of course instead of trying to make eye contact, Sakura was currently examining Itachi's nicely manicured, black fingernails. That actually appeared to be a black and skin colored blur but it was better than looking at the S-class criminal shaped blur across from her. _'Is it bad that I'm jealous of a psycho's manicure? I wonder what kind of hand lotion he uses…' _The pink haired girl's train of thought was interrupted by another voice in her own head. _'Oi! I think that freak with the gills on his face is checking us out again! Hey, you think he might be gay for this weirdo? I bet he is, I mean even in another persons body you attract the mother fuc-' _

Inner Sakura was interrupted by the clang of a tray filled with teacups and an aged teapot on the table in front of her. The freakishly tall blond was back and placing a teacup in front of Sakura. Smiling politely she inquired "How about some freshly made green tea Itachi?" Kisame poked her hard in the side.

"Respect Mizaki, you moron." The shark man hissed through clenched teeth.

Glowering back at him, Mizaki turned smiling again to face the confused looking Uchiha and asked, more politely, "Itachi-sama, would you like some green tea that I have made?" She lifted the teapot for affect.

'…_ummm'_ Worried that she might be taking too long to respond Sakura, with equal formality replied "Why thank you… Mizaki…-san, I would love some green tea" Smiling softly the girl trapped in a mans body inclined her head, grabbed her teacup and placed it within reach of Mizaki.

Who happened to be completely shell shocked, with her shark like companion. Turning slowly to each other, Kisame and the girl named Mizaki shared a look. Glancing exaggeratedly towards the kitchen doorway, Kisame suddenly stood up and bowed. "I apologize Itachi but I have business to attend to." And with that the former hunter-nin made his way towards the kitchen, giving Mizaki a meaningful glare on is way out. The blond just nodded.

'_That was strange.' 'Ppfffft, bet he had to go whack off! Seriously and what's the deal with this girlie in front of us?' _Sakura glanced at the blond who was currently pouring tea into two cups while chewing her lower lip. _'She seems familiar for some reason. And that name, I get the feeling I've heard it somewhere before. But where? And what's her connection with Akatsuki? She seems to be closer with Kisame then Itachi. And-' _Sakura was cut off by Inner Sakura _'Oi, you think she's a Mist-nin? 'Cause she's got a worse mouth on her then Kiba when he's piss drunk.' _Sakura began looking for any identifying markings Mizaki might have.

Still biting her lip the blond looked at her superior with a blush on her face as she handed him a cup of tea. "Itachi-kun" She purred _'-kun! What the hell? Where did this come from?' _Inching closer and looking up through her lashes, Mizaki continued, "I'm so glad you're finally coming around," She proceeded to pout, crossing her arms to amplify her chest. "Here I thought that you thought I was ugly!" Hr eyes then welled up with tears as she placed a dirt and calloused hand on 'Itachi's' chest.

Sakura was of course panicking. _'Wait, wait. I never did anything, why is she crying, why is she coming onto me? I never said she was ugly! What do I do…What would Naruto do? Erm, maybe not Naruto…, what would Sasuke do? Okay, that's even worse. I'm a girl; I can comfort another one, even if it does make me feel like a lesbian…' _Inner Sakura just snorted.

"You're not ugly, you're gorgeous! I mean look at your hair color, it's a wonderful color, and I love it!" Sakura patted Mizaki's consolingly and smiled sympathetically.

Mizaki just froze. _'What now? Oh, is she broken?' _"Err, Mizaki, are you-" The blond in question blushed furiously and turned around and started coughing.

Standing up without turning around, Mizaki gurgled an "I'll be right back" And made her way towards the kitchen at a faster then normal pace. When the door slid shut behind her, Sakura could here barely muffled whispers hissing at each other.

"What do you mean it didn't work? He's already fucked up, your fucking hitting on him should get some kind of reaction" came the gravely voice of Kisame.

'_Eh, don't they realize that I can still hear them perfectly clearly?' _Sakura sipped her tea just a tad bit miffed. Inner Sakura chimed in _'Hello! Shoji screen, literally paper thin!' _

"Well, screw you! I tried and he's all, nice about it or something, like what the hell? You want me to get information out of him by seducing him? Well guess what dumbass it's not going to be easy!" came the lighter hiss of Mizaki.

'_Damn right! I'm not easy!' _Inner Sakura chirped.

Kisame snorted "So the woman who managed to get in good with the Mizukage and became his prized bodyguard and only person in line to succeed him, can't seduce one leaf-nin?" You could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

'_HOLY CRAP! This Mizaki is THAT Mizaki? The Mizukage's only bodyguard and the only kunoichi who has ever been nominated to be the Mizukage's replacement? She works for Kisame? I have to tell someone! I have to get out of here…' _Sakura used all the stealth and ninja skills she had learned over the past four years to inch her way to the shoji screen that was slightly ajar. It seemed to lead to a garden like area with a small pond.

"He's a sociopath. You know no desire for sex and all that. It doesn't surprise me that he doesn't like me that way. And don't go bringing the Boss into this. No plan of yours is going to work unless I get the Mizukage title." Mizaki huffed.

This made Itachi's body stop. Sakura, who was just about to step outside into her freedom, whipped around startled. _'Plan? What plan?' _Slowing her breathing so she could hear better, Sakura paid closer attention to what was being whispered. In the back of Sakura's mind she could barely hear Inner Sakura quip _'God damned curiosity!' _

"Yeah, you're right. You think we should just drug him or something?" Kisame grumbled.

"And what? Put it into some cookies?" Mizaki sighed.

"Can we?" Kisame sounded eager. "Well, it seems like we're taking too long, go back in there with food or something. Maybe some of those mushrooms…That'll appease him."

There was shuffling as the screen slid open and Sakura scrambled to get back to her place that she had vacated in an attempt to escape.

Sadly, she wasn't yet used to Itachi's higher center of gravity and tripped over Itachi's feet, attempted to catch herself, banged his shins on the low table, spilled the still hot tea all over her, burning Itachi's chest and landed on her face on the other side of the table.

'_The way my luck is going I bet they saw that.' _Turning her head to look at the two figures in the door, both bug eyed and jaws hanging open.

"Owwwwie…" Sakura was now adamant that this was officially the worst experience of her life.

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TBC (hopefully)


End file.
